Let's talk about CLP.

What is CLP? 
CLP is the abbreviation for the Certificate of Legal Practice. Every Malaysian who wants to formally practice as a lawyer (advocate and solicitor, 2 in 1, unlike the Bar) would have to pass either the CLP/ the BAR (if you're graduating from an overseas university) or simply graduate from a local university wherein graduates automatically emerge with said certificate - along with a degree.

Alright, that sounds simple enough! 
A-ah. Not so fast. You'd think it's just an exam, and you'd be right, to an extent. Think SPM - now increase the difficulty level another 100 notches up. Now that I've actually gone through it, you want to know what it is? It's nothing but a memorisation test set up by a bunch of assholes specifically designed to fail the students.

I'll give you an example. Students aren't actually allowed to bring in the Legal Profession Act 1976 into exams (for the Professional Practice paper). "Why?", you'd ask. Good question. That makes two of us. The so-called rationale behind this is that lawyers are supposed to know the law inside out, and of course, that makes sense. What they fail to take into account, or rather, the fact that they simply choose to ignore, is the fact that the human brain can only store so much of information before it goes into overdrive.

Which, by the way, is completely unnecessary seeing that 1)students already have a lot of things to memorise in the first place and 2) Excuse me, lawyers are still human beings, aren't they? Do we look like a computer to you? Even the most senior lawyer can forget some statutes from time to time. I really don't see the necessity behind this.

Regardless, I actually passed this paper which so many people failed literally by the skin of my teeth. Don't judge, you'll understand that passing is the only thing that matters once you get here.

Alright, so why do you sound so bitter? 

Okay, so I sound a little bitter. That's because I've resat for the same paper three times and wasted an entire year having to wait for the resit exam.

It's not the LPQB's fault you failed. 

No, that's entirely my own negligence and mistake. I'll admit that much.

But you know what's so infuriating about it? The fact that I had to literally waste 10 months of my life waiting for the resit in August from the last resit, which was in October. If you must know, the October papers are notoriously hard. These sounds like excuses, but wait - just wait - till you actually do the exam. I felt like I was going to cry right there in the examination hall. It was horrible.

I sidetracked. My point is, why do you have to waste so much of a person's time just to sit for one paper? We have our own lives, too. We have jobs, people to feed, bills to pay etch. Waiting for an exam for that long doesn't help anyone. If anything, it only made life more difficult. Most of my friends had to quit their jobs to study for the exam. So did I. That was a huge gamble for most of us, and both a stressful and painful choice to make.

These people don't see that. What they see is the profit they'll rake from the thousands enrolling for the exam each year. They're just numbers and a 30% quota to fill.

So what exactly are you hoping to achieve by whining here? 

All I'm saying is that the LPQB really needs to reassess themselves and put themselves in our shoes. I've seen the exam questions from our local universities, and I'm sorry to say that they are nowhere near the LPQB's standards. By that I meant that they were ridiculously easy and straightforward. It was almost as if the lecturers were trying so hard to help the students pass. Ehem.

If you're going set a national exam, why don't you make a streamlined exam where everyone sits for the same paper? Otherwise how would you actually assess the level of intelligence and understanding of everyone sitting for the exam? How is this fair? 

So please, by all means, fix it.

And to anyone who dares to say "It's just an exam!" 

Over and Out.

Lost

Hello there non-existent viewers/readers,

In this once again uneventful chapter, I am here to admit that I have been doing absolutely nothing all week. Well, not literally nothing, because one still needs to eat, shit, bathe etch to function as a basic human being. But apart from doing the bare necessities, I haven't lifted a finger to do anything remotely useful.

So let me list a few things I did that might sound like I did something, but is really might just come out whiny and completely useless.

1. I surfed the net, as one does. 
2. I made a few posts on Tumblr which attracted minimal notes. 
3. Which made me annoyed, so that led to me making more notes. Obviously, I don't give up too easily. Or maybe I'm just an obstinate little mule. 
4. I received a call from Maybank regarding the Training Program and found out that I was short-listed. Woohoo!
5. Nope, let's cut that short. I did the online assessment and failed miserably. I couldn't even finish half of the first part (numericals. Plenty of calculating and Maths and crying) so my hopes of getting through to the next round is next to nothing. 
6. Insert more Tumblr.
7. Studied a little bit of my Criminal Procedure. But I wouldn't count 4 pages as "studying", so let's forget about that. 

I'm currently having trouble trying to think up of the things I actually did, so I'll just stop here. This is getting pathetic. I used to laugh at my boyfriend for doing this, but when it comes down to it, it feels absolutely horrible. I'm sure a lot of people can relate to me when I say that I feel like a complete waste of space. I wish I was working, but I'm not (So get a job!) - That's what I should do, right? I should. But I'm actually really good at avoiding responsibilities, and making excuses as well. Aren't I just the epitome of a shining beacon of hope for humanity? 

Will be going out for Supper soon. Don't hesitate to bash the living hell out of this lazy girl and share some much-needed life advice/motivation if it's not too troublesome. 

                                                                                                                                         Love ,
                                                                                                                             Your lazy highness

                                                                                                                                                 

The days are racing ahead of one another without a moment's hesitation,

And I feel like a slow turtle in a hare's race,

I don't know how I got stuck in this place

alone, a little dazed but mostly frustrated, 

There's a lost piece of me in a stream of endless crowd

Like a flimsy paper, scrunched and ugly

Constantly wondering ;

Which part of this was part of the deal? 

I have the weight of a thousand suns 

crushing, choking, suffocating me

constantly , relentlessly reminding 

That time would go on

And I will be left behind,

Before my mind could comprehend a thing,

My body would fall

and detach, piece by heavy piece,

You're free, 

You're free,

You're free to go now. 

Utter bullshit.

I was thinking, "Is there a "right" way of growing up?"

The way I see it, you're born, you crawl, you babble, you talk, you walk, you make friends, you make mistakes, you do really dumb mistakes, you watch a cartoon or two, you watch the news, then somehow miraculously, you emerge into adulthood. It's like you simply shed off all those years off mistakes and experiences that mould you into becoming this adult individual you are today. But have we really "grown" or are we still the same person we were years ago?

Let's discuss this in categories. There's the physical aspect, then there's the emotional or intellectual aspect. The physical aspect really does the explanation by itself, your body grows from a baby to an adult. Then everybody simply expects you to start acting like one because you're at the right age and size. Now, what about our internal growth? Have we really changed at all, or are we still the same person we were back when we were kids, only now stuck in an adult's body? The answer would probably remain an open-ended series of debates, some saying you're no less of the child you were years ago, while some say that child no longer exists within you, that you have now achieved the brain and intellect of an adult, therefore you are a full-fledged adult.

To answer in both extremisms would be pretty unfair. Who's to say that a stoic looking 23 year old doesn't have a child bursting with creativity and life within him or her? To me, being an adult isn't about always the correct choices, or having to always stay within the line and conform to the rules of the society since you've stepped into the cold adult world. Being an adult is about embracing your inner flaws, wholly, completely, without prejudice and simply being comfortable within your own skin. That's the first step to being an adult. If you can't accept the person you were then, the child or teenager who grew all those years, collecting laughter and scars throughout your life, how would you have been the person you are today?

Of course this brings me to my next point, embracing yourself does not just mean living with yourself as you are. Oh no, it isn't that easy. It means that you shouldn't be afraid of falling back into that person, child or teenager, whenever you feel like doing so. Of course this doesn't mean that you should immediately burst out laughing during a funeral, that's just plain suicidal. The person you were then would have taught you how to behave in public, what to wear, say, or not to say, at specific and appropriate times. So then, what was the point of me saying that? Your inner child or teenager does not have to be locked up for eternity simply because you're an adult. That's horrible. It's like you're killing yourself, metaphorically speaking. It's the same as caging up another person inside you, in the jail of your brain. If you are the adult you believe you are, then you would know that you would be able to fully trust "yourself" and "let loose" once in a while. Nobody teaches you how to be the perfect adult. You just have to learn it all by yourself. Responsibilities, Time and Company all come crashing in, and you'll find yourself only being able to juggle two at a time. Then soon after, after you go through the notions of life, you die. Then what?

I sidetracked. Much apologies.

So, I shall conclude that there is no way of properly growing up, or being an adult, for that matter. Each individual will grow and figure it out for themselves. Just a lesson in life, take life one day at a time. Don't worry too much, don't live in the past and just enjoy the present and let the rest play themselves out. Let God worry about the rest.

I wrote this because I was stunned for a second, remembering that my teenage years are fast coming to an end. And I am not prepared to fully let it go. Yet, as it turns out, I won't have to. Not everything.

A clean slate

Dear whoever who might be reading this,

I have successfully deleted all of my embarrassing posts from way back then. I can only hope they will never, ever resurface or I might have to jump off a cliff. Joking. Half Joking. Can't believe how childish I was, writing about all those foolish, insignificant things. Hopefully I'll have more important, interesting and insightful things to write about in the future. The thing about writing is that it's an ongoing learning process ; You have to keep on doing it. Your writing style can either grow or die off completely. Unfortunately for me, I got lazy. By being lazy I had caused my brain to rust and I'd chopped off whatever little creativity I had to begin with and turned it into a much cliched,stagnant, polluted river of a dirty, hormonal teenager. Nonetheless, I am determined to change that. I will be more matured in my writing, and hopefully, I'll be able to grasp that joy in writing once more.

Here's to re-discovering my passion in writing.

Cheers!

BCM